There's one boy you turn to when you feel depressed, and he comes to comfort you, in person. And you let him do whatever he wants, even if you don't really want it. A need for attention, need for love. Leaves you with regret and tears, but you do it again and again.

There's a boy that loves you beyond belief, a boy you've only met once, a boy you felt safe with. A boy that would never hurt you, a boy that's great, but you don't love him the same way.

There's one boy you fell in love with without even noticing, a boy that smiled so big it light up your heart in that crappy little hotel room, a boy you thought would choose you. He didn't. He broke your heart, lied.

One boy who threw you into a ward, put you into psychosis and made songs play in your head - If i fell.... Who happens to now be one of the most understanding, and easy to talk to friends you've got. Still it gets complicated. Sexual tension.

A boy that used to need you as soon as he got home from school, that used to tell you how cute you sounded when you sneezed, how pretty you looked when you zooned out, who pointed out the details you never realized. A boy that now doesn't show interest. A boy you miss.

An ex that came crawling back, saying he never stopped loving you. Wanting you back. Scaring you. Is it real? Is it all just an act? Does he want to hurt me? Lies, again?

And then, there's older men, younger boys, desperate for your attention. Telling you they want to fuck you, telling you they think you're beautiful, before starting to talk about wanting to fuck you again. Telling you they really like you, but only showing it in one certain way. You, you're to afraid to turn them down, to afraid to reject someone. 'Cause you know how much it hurt, yes, you really do know.

This is why I need a break, I need to get out. I need to get this out of my head, sort my feelings. Figure out who actually cares and who doesn't. Who tries to contact me, who's going to miss me when I'm gone?

I have no idea what you, reader, think about me now. But I had to get it out, 'cause it's eating me alive. I can't take much more, it's ripping me apart, I can't give to all. - I can hardly give at all. > I can't go on like this, it'll kill me.