without you, with me.

Everything is turning around, the year, the day, love, life. And I don't know what to do, I don't know how to deal with it all. You sit up at 4 am, staring at the cans of beer, the cigarettes you've smoked, the chocolate you bought but can't really bring yourself to eat. And what is left? What ever matters anymore?

It gets dark so early, so very early. I've hardly gotten out of bed before the day is shifting, and neglecting me. Never letting me see daylight, not letting me see a tiny glimmer of hope. I feel myself going down, like a ship without any passengers, with no captain. A ship with no other choice, no escape, completely alone, completely doomed. And I don't know what to do, I never wanted this. How can I escape this hell, this hell in my head? Is beheading the only way?

My friends are all moving away, all to busy. I feel my heart breaking more and more by every day, it burning inside me, burning up. I want to cry, I want to bleed, and I can't. I can't do either, there's no one left that care, no one left to take me seriously, - everyone thinks I'm better. Hell, I thought I was better. But here I am, longing for such grotesque acts to horrid to describe.

I need you here, I can't go on much longer without you.

I'm nothing, absolutely nothing, on my own.