Instant karma is gonna get you.

Sometimes it feels like I haven't had any progress, not developed at all these years. Still, I know I have. But tell me, why am I not able to attend school five days a week like any other normal person? I'm too tired, too exhausted. I'm happy at school, I really am. I feel good, even tho it's stressing as hell. But I enjoy it, I feel good. So why do I lie to my parents, and sleep 'till 3 pm? "Maybe you should be hospitalized again." I do feel that I need a break, still it scares me so. Third time? Can I handle knowing that I've been in a mental institution three times? No. Yes. Perhaps. I wish someone could get me to work properly. Make me realize what I am, and what I'm capable off. I can do this. I can reach happiness. But also, doom.

In my dreams I'm dying all the time.

I want to feel someone close, to feel someone else's skin on my skin. For someone to make my loneliness go away, relieve me. - In oh, so many ways. All my diagnoses has kept me so restrained for such a long time. Holding back every last piece of myself. Never share, never look, never touch. But I want to share, and I do share, but in all the wrong ways. Giving up myself for free, but never in person. Don't look, don't touch. Please, please, do touch.