I don't want to write this. I don't want to admit to this. I don't want to be this.

But the need, no; the desperation to hurt is so intense, so strong. I feel completely helpless. Using this stupid ass blog to try to occupy myself, sidetrack myself. I don't even fucking know what to write. Horrible images going on repeat in my mind, horrible images of what I've done to myself over the years. The smell of blood, and the smell of burning flesh. Mutilated arms and legs that left people speechless. Uncountable stitches. Someone fucking help me

And the fact is;
it doesn't scare me anymore,
that, fucking scares me.