Hey. It's been awhile.. See, I have this rule, to only write here when things aren't going to well. Yeah, you'd think I've been doing fine lately, since it's been so long since my last entry. - But remembering, even passwords, or what email you used, is harder when being borderline.
I don't know what's going on now, I don't know what I'm feeling, or what I'm doing. I don't understand, where's my mind? Where's the logic I always could see, even when deep in depression and anxiety. I feel numb, out of wack. Unconscious. I'm in no control, of anything that's happening around me, or in me. See, I can't even write this properly..

All I want is going to see him, rest my head on his shoulder, and feel all my troubles going away, even if just for a minute. But I'm scared, fuck it, I'm terrified. What if I ruin everything? I always ruin everything. Worrying about ruining everything, could fucking ruin everything. I feel stupid, like a fucking moron. - like a child.
What I do feel, and know for certain that I feel, is that I love him. Madly.